“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”
Abraham Maslow

Wise words. Somedays I’d much rather cocoon.

“The the Lord God said, “it is not good that the man should be alone” Genesis 2:18

This quote is from the second version of the creation story found in the first two chapters of Genesis. This silliness in the US of attempting to require the teaching of Creationism in our public schools seems to me to entirely miss the point. Since there are two different stories right from the very beginning of the Bible, it seems to me that a literal interpretation of scripture distracts one from the deeper truths. The Bible is not a book of science but a window to the living Word of God.

One of the deeper truths of this scripture is the reality that we are not meant to live this life alone. On the surface, this is about the primary relationship of a man and a woman in marriage. But deeper than that, is our need as human beings for one another, for being a part of a community of people in order to be whole. The holiday seasons of Christmas and Thanksgiving particularly heighten this need.

I love to be with my family in all its assorted forms and at the same time, my family is as neurotic and frustrating as any other. When I was younger, I was always trying to fix my family, to make it reflect a beauty and normalcy only seen in a Norman Rockwell picture. It has taken most of my life to get past that. Now I’m just thankful for whatever time I have with any part of my family.

I think a key to true relationship is the ability to notice with interest and respect the differences and to choose to love. It is only when I have learned to not expect anyone to be anything other than who they are that my loneliness began to turn into joy and friendships have become jewels to treasure rather than problems to fix. At our core, we are not meant to walk this life alone. It has taken me well past middle age to understand and experience the treasure of freindship. To each of you who have extended your grace and kind love to me, I thank you.

I didn’t want to go. Exhausted after the Thanksgiving celebration (in which I reveled in the presence of my two children), sleeping in sounded good to me. No could do. I was the guest preacher for the day while our pastor was away on a cruise with his wife.

I’m still exhausted but I’m glad I was there. The hour set aside to gather and sing and pray and just be in God’s presence was certainly worth the drive! Our church is far from perfect. I didn’t even like the hymns we sang (and I had picked them out!). We messed up the call to worship reading. Babies were crying and people were coughing. But it was church and it was a joy to me. Why church?

It’s the people for me. The people are beautiful in all their variety and neuroses. I feel like I belong with them because I can be myself, with all my neuroses and imperfections. Although there may not even be one person there who might understand what it means to practice a mystical christiainity, I’m welcome and appreciated. These are people with whom I can laugh and cry, remember and dream. With all the problems that come with any group of human beings trying to be organized together, with all the times there are misunderstandings and immature acting out, these are still people with whom I belong. I’m thankful for that. It’s worth the trip. It’s worth the effort. It’s worthy of my respect.

.It.s been a gift,. I say. And it has. A gift that has led me on a journey of my soul, a journey in which I have learned to embrace the paradoxes of life and to be very wary of anyone preaching dogma.s of certainty or judgment.

I.ve always been more of a mystic than a theologian. It is the wonder of this life rather than the promise of an after life that thrill me. It is seeing and feeling and touching Christ through human beings in real time that makes the Christ of the Cross the Lord of this time not just a man once in Palestine. It is finding God.s love in the disappointments and failures of life that speak to me. Each day, I am reminded to embrace the spiritual practice of joy and to know “in my bones” that control is the most tempting of illusions.

.In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. All things came into being through him and without him not one thing came into being …and the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, the glory as of a father.s only son, full of grace and truth. John 1:1,3a, 14)

.Swisch-dub, swisch-dub, swisch-dub. the beautiful sound of my baby’s heartbeat resounded in the little cubicle as the Doppler instrument broadcast the miracle of love deep within my body. I longed for each of my children. Many women long for a lifetime and never get to hear this sound. It had taken eighteen months to get pregnant and I sang the song of Hannah, sure that I was infertile, begging God to give me a child. Tears were in my eyes as I listened to that beautiful sound. I can still hear it and it.s been over two decades!
Did you know that everything in our bodies makes a sound? Sonograms of various body parts create pictures of these sounds. When an organ is dis-eased, it makes sounds that are not in harmony with the rest of the organ. These sounds help physicians diagnose the presence of disease if not the cause. Actually, everything in the universe emits a sound.

For thousands of years, the mystics have taught that the universe was created with the utterance on the word .amen. or .Om.. Long before technology created the means to hear and see these vibrations, sages have proclaimed that all the sounds of the universe together make a song so beautiful that it could only be the sound of God. The very word .uni-verse. gives witness to this truth.
And that word, that very word became flesh. Flesh just like yours and just like mine. Flesh that burned and wrinkled and bled and got goosebumps. And that word is the light that is within you and within all whom God has created. That word vibrates throughout your body in a song unique to you.
When God hears your body.s vibrations, God hears a song as beautiful to our creators ears as a baby.s heartbeat is to his/her parents. You are a song that delights God.s ears. Only your body, just as it is, can sing this song.

I had a doctor’s appointment today for an infection in my eyes. I also have a chronic health problem that I deal with daily, in part through the use of self-hypnosis and in part by listening to what my body is trying to tell me. So, as my eyes have caused me pain, I’ve been asking myself – what is it that I don’t want to see? I think I know the answer – I do not want to see the fear. Nor do I want to see the power of evil.

Somehow, even though he was running an hour late, I got into a conversation about spiritual and political matters with the eye doctor. I know. This seems strange but I get into unusual conversations with many people – it seems to be my “gift.” This time, I wish I hadn’t. It would appear this learned man embraces Hitler as his hero and wishes he would rise again and solve our problems.

Scary. I did my best to be a beacon of God’s presence. There on his wall, stuck in his diplomas were prayer cards of what appeared to be Mary, the Mother of Jesus. I noticed his faith and the discrepancy as clearly and as gently as I could. By his diplomas and awards, by all accounts is an intelligent, learned man. But his heart has a hatred of the very people of whom Jesus was born. I reminded him that the seeds of our faith are firmly planted in Judaism. It seemed to never have occurred to him. Both Jesus and his Mother, whose images appear there on his walls, were Jewish. He seemed stunned.

Quickly, he returned to the treatment of my eyes. Did I make a difference? I don’t know. But I have to believe that love is stronger than hate, that truth is often painful to hear but always frees, that faith means not knowing the results but trusting the Divine to work through all means.

How to pray for another: This is called intercessory prayer and literally means we pray as if we were the other person. We stand in their place before God and pray on their behalf. The simplest form is to pray: “Lord Jesus, the other’s name” followed by silence. Then repeat for the time you have set aside to pray. As you do this, you may find images or words coming to you. Simply say (silently or out loud) “Lord bless.”

Keeping a prayer journal in which you record the names or situations about which you are praying can be very instructive. Often we are aware of what we believe to be unanswered prayer but forget the prayers we have made. As images or thoughts come to you in relation to these prayers, record these as well. You may want to leave this prayer journal in the place you pray, perhaps next to a Bible or prayer book as a way to remind yourself that your prayers continue long after they have been spoken.

Prayers such as these are acts of service. They produce positive energy within your own soul as well as around you. Scripture tells us our prayers are like sweet incense to our Creator.

….we are the icon, the image of God, this means that there is an innate goodness in the human being that, once uncovered, needs no outward enforcement, All we have to do is become what we are: to be ourselves as God made us; to do what we see to be right according to our inherent sense of what is right and our best ability.

from A Different Christianity by Robin Ammis

The day my firstborn arrived, I threw off the doctrine of original sin. This doesn’t mean I am naive to the reality of evil and our human propensity to make destructive choices. However, being created in God’s image is the prior reality and of more consequence.

What does this mean practically? By practicing the presence of God through the Jesus Prayer (also known as the Prayer of the Heart)and other spiritual disciplines, we grow in our ability to perceive that we are indeed, in our truest nature, divine. Like Jesus, we are fully human and meant to fully realise full divinity. Very few of us get to that place but it is our calling in Christ to be saints. It is our calling to be one with God, Creator, Christ and Santifier.

This is a process, over time, called sanctification by the western church and deification in the orthodox tradition.

“Now seekers after knowledge must know exactly how to make out true orthodoxy for themselves by using natural examples; and especially such as are drawn from our very selves, for they are surer and are a true means of proof.”

Saint Gregory the Sinaite Discourse on the Transfiguration

.You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the law and the prophets.”

(from the Gospel of Matthew, New Revised Standard Version)

Although simple words at first glance, it takes a life time to understand and truly live these words. Bernard of Clairvaux wrote Four Degress of Love way back in the 12th Century. I have not yet found a better understanding of how to live these two commandments of Jesus Christ.

The First Degree of Love: Love of Self for Self’s Sake “Love is a natural human affection. It comes from God. Hence the first and greatest commandment is, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God.” But human nature is weak and therefore compelled to love itself and serve itself first. In the human realm people love themselves for their own sake. This is implanted within us for who ever hated his own self?…

The Second Degree of Love: Love of God for Self’s Sake “When we are free from trouble we are happy but in our pride we may conclude that we are responsible for our security. Then, when we suffer some calamity, some storm in our lives, we turn to God and ask his help, calling upon him in times of trouble. This is how we who only love ourselves first begin to love God.”

The Third Degree of Love: Love of God for God’s Sake In order to arrive at this we must continually go to God with our needs and pray. In those prayers the grace of God is tasted and by frequent tasting it is proved to us how sweet the Lord is. Thus it happens that once God’s sweetness has been tasted, it draws us to the pure love of God more than our needs compell us to love him… When we begin to feel this, it will not be hard to fulfill the second commandment to love our neighbor….We have obtained this degree of love when we can say, “Give praise to the Lord for he is good, not because he is good to me, but because he is good.” It should be noted that in this third degree we will stand still for a long time.

The Fourth Degree of Love: Love of Self for God’s Sake Blessed are those who experience the fourth degree of love wherein we love ourselves for God’s sake. Such experiences are rare and come only for a moment. In a manner of speaking, we lose ourselves as though we did not exist, utterly unconcious of ourselves and emptied of ourselves…..During those moments we will be of one mind with God and our wills in one accord with God. The prayer, “Thy will be done,” will be our prayer and our delight. Just as a drop of water mixed with a lot of wine seems to entirely lose its own identity….so it is like for those who melt away from themselves and are entirely transfused into the will of God. This perfect love of God with our heart, soul, mind and strength will not happen until we are no longer compelled to think about our bodily needs…this is why in the present body it is difficult to maintain. But it is within God’s power to give such an experience to whom he wills, and it is not attained by our own efforts. When this happens, we will experience the joy of the Lord and be forgetful of ourselves in a wonderful way. We are, for those moments, one mind and one spirit with God.

(From the treatise On the Love of God by Bernard of Clairvaux 1090-1152 C.E.)

This joy I know .in my bones. I have come to understand is a form of mysticism. I understand this to simply mean living in the light of God’s presence. For a more complete definition see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_mysticism

Priest: All reverence to the Great Holy Compassionate Father of all things . Allaha!
Oh radiant Jade-faced One
Exalted as the sun and the moon
Your virtues are greater than those
Of all the Holy Ones and Dharma Lords *

Congregation: The laws of Compassion save us all!
Echoing through the world like a tolling golden bell.

Priest: Great Holy Law Giver.
You bring us back to our original nature.
And the souls that are saved are countless:
Divine compassion lifts them up from the dust
Redeeming them from the saddened realm of ghosts.

Congregation: The hundred Ways bring us clarity and kind-hearted mercy.

Priest: Now I draw close to our Holy Compassionate Father
The One who creates salvation —-
See the angelic spirits crossing the Ocean of Dharma
We know to practice peace in our hearts through You
This whole gathering unites in singing to You Honored One:

All: The Great Law is now the Heavenly Wheel of returning . to You.

Worship the Dharma Kings. Begin with the Sutra** of Dharma King John. Then continue the Sutra of the Psalms and the Path of Grace Sutra.

On the second day of the fifth month of Hai Yun {720} Su Yun of the Da Qin Religion of Light in the Great Holy Oneness of the Dharma, a monk of the Da Qin monastery at Shachou wrote this faithfully for the faithful.

* i.e. .saints. Dharma means .teaching.

** Sutra is the written teachings, here referring to the Gospel of John

Christian Liturgy in Praise of the Three Sacred Powers

The highest skies are in love with You.
The great Earth opens its palms in peace.
Our truest being is anchored in Your Purity
You are Allaha: Compassionate Father of the Three

Everything praises you, sounding its true note.
All the Enlightened chant praises —
Every being takes its refuge in You
And the light of Your Holy Compassion frees us all.

Beyond knowing, beyond words
You are the truth, steadfast for all time.
Compassionate Father, Radiant Son.
Pure Wind King . three in one.

In the midst of kings and emperors, You are supreme
Among the World Famous, You are Lord of Everything.

You live perpetually in light
The light which enters every sphere.
Yet You have never been seen
No eye can see Your Form
Or you Unclouded Nature.

Among all spirits You alone are unchanging
Making all that is good, beyond reckoning
The root and essence . the thing itself!

Today I reflect on Your Compassion and Grace.
I delight in Your Delight which covers our land
Messiah, Great Holy Son of the Honored One
As countless of the Suffering are saved .

Supreme King, Will of Ages,
Compassionate Joyous Lamb
Loving all who suffer
Fearless as You strive for us
Free us of the karma of our lives,
Bring us back to our original nature
Delivered from all danger

Divine Son invited to stand on the right of the Father
This Alter exceeds all others
Great Messiah: hear our prayers
Send your raft of salvation
To save us from the burning streams!

Great Teacher, I stand in awe of the Father
Great Teacher, I am awed by the Holy Lord
Great Teacher, I am speechless before the King of Dharma
Great Teacher, I am dazzled by the Enlightened Mind —
Great Teacher, You who do everything to save us.

Everything looks to You, without thinking.
Shower us with Your Healing Rain!
Help us to overcome, give life to what has withered.
And water the roots of kindness in us.
Great Holy World Honored One,
Messiah, as we love our Father.
Boundless Sea of Compassion
And the Clean Pure Wind
Whose clarity cleanses through the Law
Reaching beyond all grace

(from the Tang Dynasty era as translated by Martin Palmer in The Jesus Sutras Ballantine/Wellspring Press)

An older gentleman sat down across from me at luncheon. We acknowledged each others presence with a nod. Small sayings from the lecture portion of the retreat were scattered around the table. We took turns looking at each one.

He began to weep in silence as he read one contrasting the experience of self-acceptance in the light of God’s grace versus the experience of inadequacy, fear, greed and control in the spaces of life called our ego. I watched him weep and wanted to comfort him. The silence required me to only silently expand my heart to him.

After a few moments, he glanced up at me. I don’t know exactly what he saw in my eyes but he wept even more deeply. Then I closed my eyes and began to pray in the silence of my mind, the ancient Prayer of the Heart: “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner.”

At first, I was going to pray “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on this man.” But somehow I knew that whatever caused his grief was shared by all humanity. His sin, his grief, his fears were mine as well.

After some time, he rose to leave and as he did, he squeezed my right shoulder. In those brief moments, I experienced a depth of intimacy that I will never forget. If I had been allowed to speak, I would have missed it all.