Taylor keeps busy, but in recent years, he says he’s begun to practice what 19th-century British pastor Alexander McLaren called “sitting silent before God.”

Rev. TAYLOR: This is not praying, it is not reading, it is just opening oneself. It’s a mystic kind of thing. But we do so little of it, and we who preach are likely to engage ourselves in so many things and to neglect that aspect of being open to what God has to say. And I wish to heaven I had practiced this more early on in my ministry.

Graham speaks more of a desire to have studied more but returns each night when he wakes from a restless sleep, to repeat the 23rd Psalm. The writer describes Graham this way:

“A unifying theme of Graham’s new thinking is humility….I believe the love of God is absolute. He said he gave his son for the whole world and I think he loves everybody regardless of what label they have.”

I’m about three decades short of these men’s years and likely eons short of their wisdom and paltry in terms of effectiveness in ministry. But I certainly do know of what they speak. The sweet priviledge of simply sitting in God’s presence is something that doesn’t have to wait until we leave this earthly realm. God longs for us to just be present and life becomes so much less chaotic and confusing when we do.

Simply put: Either embrace the Mystery or be destined to confusion.

Imagine God containing God-self in the body of an infant child. Was that painful? Did it take the energy of the universe to make this possible? The images of God’s creation in space that we have just now begun to see through the Hubble telescope show a God of exuberance and joyous dance, riotous color and un-contained passion. But to become a human child took Self-Containment that is un-imaginable and therefore, unbelievable to many.

People tell me their sorrows, their fears, their life stories in the strangest of places. This has been true for me most of my life. Even while visiting in Vienna and Munich, old women came up to me and spoke passionately about their children or grandchildren. I had no idea what they were saying until my daughter came to my/their aid and made my ignorance clear. The inevitable laughter ensued and instead of embarrassment, the woman would say, in English, “but you seemed to really understand!”

It seems that self-containment is a signal to others that the emotions and memories they fear will somehow be treated as holy. There is a sense of safety that comes from one who is self-contained yet open-hearted. Yet another paradox of the spirit-led life: Open your heart and Contain yourself!

I once read of a teaching of Christ from the Koran. I believe it went something like this: “See with your heart but do not let your heart be in what you see.” In the process of becoming the Christ-child, God saw with God’s heart and contained God-self for our sake.

Religions have outsides and insides: they have outer, exoteric forms that house inner, esoteric cores. People differ on which of these stands out more clearly for them. For esoterics God is in the focal view, whereas for exoterics his created world is focal and God must be inferred from it. It follows that for exoterics this world is concrete and the celestial world is abstract, whereas for esoterics it is the other way around….Esoterics can understand exoterics and recognize their need for them, but the reverse does not hold. …Every where in history exoterics far outnumber esoterics and the religious institutions run mostly on the energy they provide.

Huston Smith then quotes Meister Eckhart who once said about his own teachings:

“If anyone does not find these truths in themselves, let them not worry about it.”

I found all this comforting because I am basically esoteric in my way of looking at life. Fortunately, God has sorrounded me with exoteric people otherwise I probably wouldn’t have made it this far in life. I am comforted in this description by Huston Smith because I know what it is to be dismissed for looking from the inside out. And I know there are many people who love me dearly but have no idea what I am talking about!

“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”
Abraham Maslow

Wise words. Somedays I’d much rather cocoon.

And grant us to pass through the night of the whole present life with watchful heart and sober thought, ever expecting the coming of the bright and appointed day of Thine Only-begotten Son, our Lord and God and Savior, Jesus Christ, whereon the Judge of all shall come with glory to reward each according to his deeds. May we not be found fallen and idle, but watching, upright in activity, ready to accompany Him into the joy and divine palace of His glory, where there is the ceaseless sound of those that keep festival, and the unspeakable delight of those that behold the ineffable beauty of Thy countenance. For Thou are the true Light that enlightenest and sanctifiest all, and all creation doth hymn Thee unto the ages of ages, Amen.

After that, our relative wealth became a little clearer to us. Gas prices went sky high about the time my spouse got a new job. I kept collecting cans out of curiosity and habit. I discovered as the gas prices rose, the availability of discarded cans and bottles disappeared. There were letters to the editor in our local paper about others collecting these discards to afford gas to get to work. I decided they needed it more than us.

I have continued to shop at Aldi’s and to try to live more moderately in other ways. Here’s some of my observations:

. There are hardly any can.s and bottles in discarded places anymore.
. Aldi.s has become crowded every day, not just on the first of the month when the poor get their welfare checks.
. The store is often filled with the mentally, physically and socially disabled people who work very hard just to do their grocery shopping.
. I find more elderly men looking quite desperate slowly moving through the aisles of the store, trying to make sense of it all.
. I see more able bodied men, appearing to shop for the first time with their female partner, trying to appear competent and strong but their eyes betray their fear. I assume they, too, are out of work.

We are in strained times. It seems to me that we are more afraid and less trusting than any time in my memory. My brother-in-law from Canada asked me yesterday, .What has happened to your country? And why doesn.t somebody do something about it?. He also mentioned that the disaster response to Hurricane Katrina was certainly embarrassing. I had a quick answer which means my answer wasn.t very well thought out, .The people who run our country right now are all from the same party . we can.t hold them accountable in any real way until the next election..

In the meantime, I make sure I look people in the eye as I walk with them through the aisles at Aldi.s. I treat each with respect even when they appear to have no such respect for themselves. And I remember that we are all made of the same stuff.

I had a doctor’s appointment today for an infection in my eyes. I also have a chronic health problem that I deal with daily, in part through the use of self-hypnosis and in part by listening to what my body is trying to tell me. So, as my eyes have caused me pain, I’ve been asking myself – what is it that I don’t want to see? I think I know the answer – I do not want to see the fear. Nor do I want to see the power of evil.

Somehow, even though he was running an hour late, I got into a conversation about spiritual and political matters with the eye doctor. I know. This seems strange but I get into unusual conversations with many people – it seems to be my “gift.” This time, I wish I hadn’t. It would appear this learned man embraces Hitler as his hero and wishes he would rise again and solve our problems.

Scary. I did my best to be a beacon of God’s presence. There on his wall, stuck in his diplomas were prayer cards of what appeared to be Mary, the Mother of Jesus. I noticed his faith and the discrepancy as clearly and as gently as I could. By his diplomas and awards, by all accounts is an intelligent, learned man. But his heart has a hatred of the very people of whom Jesus was born. I reminded him that the seeds of our faith are firmly planted in Judaism. It seemed to never have occurred to him. Both Jesus and his Mother, whose images appear there on his walls, were Jewish. He seemed stunned.

Quickly, he returned to the treatment of my eyes. Did I make a difference? I don’t know. But I have to believe that love is stronger than hate, that truth is often painful to hear but always frees, that faith means not knowing the results but trusting the Divine to work through all means.

“Restore unto me the joy of Thy salvation, and with Thy governing Spirit establish me.”

For some time, in the silence, the phrase “with Thy governing Spirit establish me” kept ruminating in my mind. After a time, things about my life which sorely need to be put into order came to my mind and I prayed over them “with Thy governing Spirit establish me”. With each one, I let them lift from me like the smoke from the candlelight, and soon I was filled with utter peace.

After a time, thoughts of those I love and their own suffering came to my mind and again, I prayed “with Thy governing Spirit establish them”. A deep silent peace filled me. Again, after a time, others came to my mind and I did the same, letting these thoughts rise like the smoke from the flame. Soon, a deeper peace filled me and my heart was full, expanding, it seemed to me, beyond myself, beyond my “prayer closet” beyond….just beyond. And beyond this, the experience has no words. Even to call it an experience seems to cheapen it.

I hope this description is helpful to those who have asked me to describe my experience of Christian mysticism.

A group of psychologists who are both interested in how religion effects persons emotionally and positive about that effect, consider fundamentalism to be the “religion of the virgin,” designed for those who cannot embrace their own humanity. The radical embracing of the doctrine of original sin means they have to prove to themselves over and over again that they are sinners. The anathama in this psychological rubric is the virgin who has been soiled. This group was not surprised by the sexual sins of the televangelists in the 1980’s because the “shadow” self has to be so repressed in fundamentalism that it has to come out and “prove” the person’s sinfulness to themselves.

I grew up with this way of thinking. In my opinion, this fear of one’s humanity, leads to a cycle of emotional repentance and eventually horrifying failure followed by emotional repentance and eventually horrifying failure, over and over again. In contrast to that is the spiritual journey of “sanctification” (in old evangelical and Roman Catholic terms) also known as “purification” in eastern terms also known as “deification” in Orhodox terms – all of which refer to a deep inner change that comes through choosing to turn to God in daily practice and happens slowly over time.

“God became man in order that man might become god” St. Ireneus

“We remain creatures while becoming God by grace, as Christ remained God in becoming man by the Incarnation” Vladimir Lossky

In my opinion, the cycle of sin and repentance can become an addiction. If we see ourselves as basically evil creatures who are basically disgusting to God because we are sexual beings, then all we can do is sin and repent, over and over again. For there is no such thing as purity of thought this side of heaven.

The alternative is to embrace our original nature as divine, to remember that when God looked at all that was created.

“God saw everything that he had made, and indeed, it was very good.”Genesis 1:21

Of course, all has not remained good but we have remained the beloved:

“Is it not evident that the Father accepts the sacrifice not because He demanded it or because He felt any need for it, but….becaue man must be sanctified by the humanity of God, and God Himself must deliver us by overcoming the tyrant through His own power, and drawing us to Himself by the mediation of the Son who effects this all for the honour of God…..what remains to be said shall be covered with a reverent silence…..” Vladimir Lossky

To me, knowing that we are called back to our original divine nature through the grace and generousity of Love itself rather than seen as objects of disgust by a vengeful God makes all the difference. May you, the reader, know this Love and know your original nature.

Terming your self “The Practical Mystic” is very descriptive. I once described you as being perhaps the most spiritual person I knew and yet grounded in the realities of human life. I certainly have seen evidence of the gifts of the spirit in you.

I do have some questions that might also be of interest to visitors to your web site: I wonder how the spiritual gifts described in the Bible fit in with being a Christian mystic? Are some of them integral to the Christian mystic or are they independent? Also, how have you proceeded to develop your relationship with God and enhance your sense of His presence – is meditation the central method or other means?

I would encourage you to write on the practice of Christian meditation. (Some are practicing transcendental meditation: they open their minds and souls without being specific about the spirit they seek, a practice I consider dangerous.)

I have receieved several such comments and have decided that the best thing to do would be to start a section called “Questions Along the Journey” I’ll address the above questions one at a time. Thank you for asking!

I’ve been praying this psalm daily for about four months now. It never seems to get old to me. Each time I read it, speak it, meditate upon it, it reaches to someplace deeper.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me” And another speck of confusion in my heart is lifted, and my vision is wiped just a little cleaner as if windex and newspaper had scrubbed it clean.

I imagine there are layers of confusion, fears, wrong attitudes, habitual thoughts that need to be scrubbed away. Each time I pray this psalm, a litte more soot is removed from my inner eye and a little more hardness is softened. I see with bit more compassion and hear what isn’t spoken.

Patience is one of the fruits of God’s spirit – a fruit that has always seemed a bit like lemons to me – bitter. Yet praying this psalm has taught me a bit more patience with myself. Over time, repentance does change us. In an instant, we are forgiven but the fruits of that forgiveness seem to me to take time as daily I am washed clean. Daily I remember who I am. Weeks, months, years later, I begin to experience the pureness of my heart and suddenly, I know I am free.

An older gentleman sat down across from me at luncheon. We acknowledged each others presence with a nod. Small sayings from the lecture portion of the retreat were scattered around the table. We took turns looking at each one.

He began to weep in silence as he read one contrasting the experience of self-acceptance in the light of God’s grace versus the experience of inadequacy, fear, greed and control in the spaces of life called our ego. I watched him weep and wanted to comfort him. The silence required me to only silently expand my heart to him.

After a few moments, he glanced up at me. I don’t know exactly what he saw in my eyes but he wept even more deeply. Then I closed my eyes and began to pray in the silence of my mind, the ancient Prayer of the Heart: “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner.”

At first, I was going to pray “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on this man.” But somehow I knew that whatever caused his grief was shared by all humanity. His sin, his grief, his fears were mine as well.

After some time, he rose to leave and as he did, he squeezed my right shoulder. In those brief moments, I experienced a depth of intimacy that I will never forget. If I had been allowed to speak, I would have missed it all.